


Four

by corn_nut_to_rook_seven



Category: BBC Sherlock
Genre: Emotional Hurt, F/M, Gaslighting, M/M, Seb thinks he's going crazy, angry children, angry wives, bratty children too, expensive weddings, lots of anger, mormor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-02-16 11:42:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18690784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corn_nut_to_rook_seven/pseuds/corn_nut_to_rook_seven
Summary: Sebastian Moran has a perfect life. A successful business, a drop-dead gorgeous wife, and two charming children.14 years ago, he cheated on his wife with a struggling actor named Richard Brook, but that doesn't matter now. She doesn't know, and Moran had practically already forgotten that night in that dark apartment.That is, until he sees a familiar face show up, applying for a job at his business, singing at his favorite bar, tutoring his children.Richard Brook.As if he could ever forget that name.





	1. Empty

It might be wrong to assume that there ‘s something bigger out there than pure chance and coincidence, like God or karma or the universe. On the contrary, it might be rather idiotic to simply dismiss everything that we cannot explain and say that it either doesn’t exist or that there isn’t enough scientific evidence to explain it. The human mind is capable of countless things, including but not limited to splintering itself into dozens of fragmented and specific personalities, each with a conscience of its own, blocking out entire years in an attempt to scrub away any trace of trauma, and comprehending the most complicated and disastrous equations and situations and changing the course of history. All thanks to a tangle of neurons and grey matter crammed into a thickly-walled bowl. Despite this, it's almost deserving of pity that the creatures who possess this power are so horrifically and shockingly fragile. An air bubble in a vein, a split in an intestinal wall, a nick in a carotid is all it takes. Pitiful. Shocking.

 

The belief in karma or some higher being was not prevalent in the Moran family. Especially the Eton graduate. Karma never flashed in his mind as something to worry about while he was here in a bar, a little doe-eyed Irishman sitting across from him, not 10 days after moving into his new house with his bride. The man's smile was contagious, and his eyes dark and captivating. As sick as it sounded, those eyes reminded him of those of his wife. It felt familiar enough to slide a warm hand around the Irishman's waist, enough to press his lips to his neck, the skin there hot with desire.

 

"Richard," the Irishman said while the man pulled their bodies flush against each other. “My name is Richard.”

 

"Brandon," was the breathy response. "You wanna get out of here?"

 

Sebastian Moran was not above lying to get what he needed. Better put, what he wanted. Giving someone a fake name didn't put so much as a spot on his conscience, not when he was in Richard's apartment tearing that pristine white shirt from his torso and trapping his petite body to the wall to explore every inch of him. Definitely not when Sebastian's mouth swallowed those desperate moans and full-fledged cries escaping from Richard's throat. And especially not when the mattress moaned along with them, its springs protesting with every hard thrust Sebastian gave. It didn't cost him an ounce of guilt.

 

It didn't matter that his wife was at home, sleeping alone and wondering why her husband had been kept over so late at work. At least, right now it didn't.

 

Right now, what mattered was Richard, who was all snuggled in Sebastian's arms, talking about his dreams for the future.  _ Yes, I want to be married someday. Yes, I'd love to have a child or two. Yes, please, I want that perfect life now.  _

 

"I think people see settling down as a bad thing sometimes," Richard was saying, unaware of how admiringly Sebastian seemed to be watching him, his calloused hands fingering Richard's own nimble ones. "They see it as a loss of freedom or something. But that freedom is almost like an additional thing you have in life. I feel like in losing that, you gain  _ so  _ much more. You get to feel the love and adoration for one person, and when you know they feel it back...nothing else could possibly compare."

 

"That must be a beautiful feeling," Sebastian murmured, nestling his nose into the thick black hair at the top of Richard's head. He smelled the sweat from their activities as well as an undertone of softener and aftershave, both complimenting each other so well that Sebastian almost didn't want to pull himself away from it. "To love and feel loved. Have you ever felt that before?"

 

"I have," Richard replied, turning in Sebastian's arms, resting his head against his shoulder as his arms curled around the other man's thick torso. "It feels good to love. To be able to lay there and tell each other everything, feeling as if it's right and that everything is alright with the world. I wish you knew what that feels like, Brandon. It's a beautiful thing."

  
  


You have no idea, little one.

  
  


"Maybe one day I'll know it," Sebastian said instead. "For now, why don't we get some sleep? You tired yet?" Richard merely shook his head, those black eyes half-lidded despite this silent claim. "You big liar." The Irishman's smile grew, and he let out a soft squeal of joy when Sebastian pulled him much closer and playfully squeezed him, possibly a bit too tight for his little frame, but Richie seemed to enjoy it nonetheless. "Close those pretty little eyes and let's get to sleep." He relaxed his hold on him, rubbing his side and tracing the valleys of his ribs, ivory skin still warm and inviting.

  
  


"Will you be here tomorrow?" Richard suddenly asked, pressing his face against Sebastian's chest, as if he were ashamed of his own question that had desperation and uncertainty interlaced with every letter. "You don't have to come back. But...I'd - I would love to see you again. More often, maybe. I think we could be good together. I mean, I don't wanna put you in an uncomfortable position-"

 

"Richard," Sebastian interrupted. "Hey...of course, I'll come back to see you. I'd  _ love  _ to see you again." Richard's face brightened up at that. "Maybe you and I would be good together."

 

"You really think so?" Rich asked, eyes bright and hopeful even in the darkness of his bedroom.

 

"I do," Sebastian said. "We  _ could  _ be perfect together."

 

That empty promise seemed enough for Richard for tonight, and as they shared a last kiss before settling down to try and get some rest, the only thought that overtook his mind and his dreams was the idea of being with this man. Marrying him, maybe. Having children with him. That was absurd, and Rich knew that those were very glorified ideas of what real life was like, but he couldn't help himself. His mind entertained this idea, viewing it from so many angles as he finally drifted off and slept the last full night he ever would for the rest of his life. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment what you think before I steal your knees >:)


	2. Interview

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An old visitor comes to visit. Also Seb is an asshole

14 years passed by rather quickly, with two children being born to Sebastian and his wife. His children were nearly 8 years apart (give or take), and that worried Sebastian to some extent, but he breathed a mental sigh of relief when he found that a just-turned-8-year-old girl could indeed change a diaper.

 

His children weren't the only thing growing at a surprising rate; his business had practically blossomed overnight. Sebastian would be lying if he said he didn't feel like the cock of the walk every goddamn day. He wondered how Bill Gates didn't stroll out of his house every day with his face tipped to the sun and feel like the king of the world. The feeling of being successful and having enough money to single-handedly support his entire family was a powerful one. It was one Sebastian never wanted to stop feeling.

 

The aches and pains of middle age were still beyond him, and yet he already knew that this was a perfect life, and nothing could ruin this for them. Absolutely nothing.

 

* * *

 

"How did you manage to get into  _ another  _ fight at school?" Sebastian set down his coffee, staring straight at the little boy in front of him, whose cheek was blooming with a red mark and whose eyes were gleaming with unspilled tears. "You're 6 years old, Gavin, who is there to fight with?"

"Some... stupid bully who spilled ice cubes down another boy's shirt during science class!" the boy cried, his own face turning pink with indignance over the injustice he'd witnessed. "And you wanna know what? No one did anything, Daddy! Not even the teacher! They all just  _ laughed _ at him!" The boy turned and walked the few steps over to his mother, burying his face in her skirt, wetting the fabric with tears as his mother comforted her little boy, her face a bit constricted with sympathy. "Am I in trouble?" his son asked after a moment of silence.

 

"Yes," Sebastian said, eyes widening when he heard his wife say "no" at the same time. " _ Yes _ . You shouldn't get into fights with other boys. It's uncivil."

 

"Oh, Sebastian, really now," his wife said. "You don't mean that."

 

"I do, Bea, I do," he insisted. "It's just not right for our boy to be getting into fights. Especially those you know you can't win." His son whirled around just then, his eyelids swollen and red, which made him look a little sickly.

 

"I didn't  _ wanna  _ win, I just wanted to  _ help _ !" the boy shrieked, pulling himself away from his mother's skirt and shooting up the stairs, sneakers booming on the wood, leaving his parents there with shocked expressions.

  
  


"See what you did?" Bea snapped, turning to face her husband again, arms crossing together and pressing against her chest. "You could be more understanding towards your children, you know. You're always forgiving Mabel for everything, I don’t see why you have to be so hard on your only son."

  
  


"That's different, babe, Mabel isn't always getting into fights like Gavin is, you know that," Sebastian argued, and he sighed through his nose when Bea shook her head, her delicate brows furrowing in her disapproval at that answer. "She's different, you know that."

  
  


"You always say that," Bea muttered, going up the stairs after her son. "I'll see you after work, yeah?" Sebastian watched her shoulders disappear up the stairs, her skirt swishing around her shapely legs before they disappeared too. He downed the rest of his coffee, then left his cup in the sink before grabbing his coat and rushing out the door. Work sounded like the greatest fucking idea after all of this. He caught himself a cab to work and strolled into the waiting room, where his secretary greeted him with a smile before standing up and reaching her hand out, delicate fingers clutching a pink piece of While You Were Out paper. 

  
  


"What's this?" he asked, trying not to focus on the fact that his fingers brushed hers as he took the note. He also tried not to focus on the sweet aroma of detergent and roses that the girl always seemed to smell like.

 

"There's someone waiting for you," she said, her eyes meeting Sebastian's as she sat back down again, one leg crossing over the other, her black flat hooked onto her foot by her toes. "He said he was here for an interview for that position upstairs in IT?"

 

"Oh, fuck...right, right," Sebastian said, his gaze falling down to the note, and it was right then that some dead weight settled on his shoulders, pressing down unforgivingly and making his throat close up. He read the looped cursive handwriting over and over, focusing on the first bit of writing.

  
  


**'Richard Brook**

**Room 5, 1315 interview'**

  
  


He knew that name anywhere. Well...that wasn't possible, was it? No. It seemed like too common a name, too much of a coincidence. After all, it had been over a decade since he'd left that man behind, shrouded in cloudy memories and forgotten promises. It was someone else. Some other Richard Brook, obviously, and definitely not the aspiring actor with downturned eyes and abandonment issues.

 

"Thanks, Elle," Sebastian murmured, then cleared his throat and walked into the room where the man was supposed to be. He hoped this would go smoothly and that he could just finish up his work and go back home to his loving family. He was never the most comfortable conducting interviews, so he’d pray that time would shoot by. He directed himself to the room listed on the paper, pushing open the glass doors and quickly smoothing a hand through his own hair. "Hello, Mr...Brook, is it?" he asked, seeing the man in a fitted black suit sitting properly in his chair. Sebastian saw him turn around, his raven hair reflecting the tiny bits of light streaming from the window as he turned around, beetle-black eyes shining as he beamed back at his interviewer.

 

"Hi, I’m Mr. Brook, wonderful to meet you, Mr. Moran!" he chirped, standing up and thrusting his hand out, and Sebastian took it and shook it firmly, feeling the calluses of his fingertips brush against the sides of his palms. It was him. Goddammit, it was him, here he was in a pressed suit that made him look about 25. He tried to ignore his hammering heart, trying to focus on the pink slip of paper now clutched in his hand. Sebastian waited for him, half expecting the other man to strike him or begin to shout obscenities or accusations, but from the corner of the eye, he saw that Richard only smiled, his mouth as pretty and perfect as Sebastian remembered it.

 

"So...shall we get started?" Sebastian asked, and Richard nodded, sitting back down in his seat as Seb sat down across from him. He almost wanted Rich to say something about the two of them. Anything about how angry he was, about how hurt he still probably felt and about their midnight talks where Richard said he always wanted to get married in Venice.

 

_ (Please say something please Richard you remember me, it's me, it's Sebastian, please say something just say it, you can say it, please say it just) _

 

By the time that the interview was over and they shook hands to say farewell, Sebastian almost pulled the actor’s hand toward himself, feeling a strange urge to just tug the other man’s body flush against his own and kiss those perfect lips again, to feel that soft black hair sliding through and between his fingers, feather-soft and light as down. He just wanted to know the man again, to hear that loving tone in his voice once more. He wanted to know what became of him after that whole 'scandal', as the members of Richard's theatre group had called it. He wanted to know if there were any hard feelings after he cut the actor out of his life like that. Yet all he found himself saying was "thank you, you did well. Expect a call in the next few days." He'd be lying if he said that smile still didn't warm and break his heart at the same time. It was such a bright smile, yet at the same time, it looked sad, as if he were masking a great sorrow under those dark eyes. After Richard had let go of his hand, he simply left, leaving Sebastian standing there, wondering what the hell became of that beautiful aspiring actor. 

 

A thought came to him so suddenly that it made a weird bubble of vertigo form in his chest, right in between his lungs: perhaps Richard didn't even remember him from all those years ago. Maybe he'd forgotten about Sebastian, just like Sebastian claimed he'd forgotten about Richard. Maybe it really was just a one-night stand that meant nothing. Maybe those tears Sebastian had seen on that then-boyish face all those years ago when he denied everything were fake. Maybe the phone calls were fake. As crazy as it sounded, Sebastian wondered if it was all a sort of dream.

 

No, of course, it wasn't a fucking dream. Idiot.

 

But it could have been.

 

Seb finally got up to return to his desk, deciding he needed a distraction from this situation that reminded him vaguely of The Twilight Zone. And as he continued to look over the spreadsheets for this year, the only thing that he could think of was those beetle-black eyes, eager and innocent, but determined. Determined to come back into Sebastian's life and stay there. It was obviously a paranoid thought, but he still couldn't help thinking about what Richard might have said to him. Those eyes had something to say.

  
  


_ I'm back, Moran. _

**Author's Note:**

> pleaSE comment and tell me what you think or I'll steal your knees >:0


End file.
